There are several common behaviours many couples adopt in their relationships that appear to be effective initially, but not later. In fact, these common behaviours are actually very bad relationship moves couples think are acceptable.
These relationship moves create the illusion of relief initially but, end up hurting the quality and longevity of that relationship in the end. They serve the purpose of making you feel better in the short-term, at the expense of the lifespan of your relationship.
So, we have compiled a list of the four most common bad relationship moves and mistakes couples typically make which you must avoid.
1. Using gifts as band-aid
Gifts do act as a sign that you care but is not the true language of love. Using gifts as a form of expression of the love or appreciation you have for your partner, is completely fine. In fact, it’s encouraged.
However, using gifts like a Band-Aid to cover up or remedy mistakes, transgressions etc, is not.
Taking your partner on a nice vacation because you were caught cheating will only hurt your relationship more. Allowing him to sleep with you because he was mad at you for allowing your mother to move in without a discussion will only cause more problems in the end.
The truth is that covering up relationship issues with money, exciting diversions, or sexual favours doesn’t last. The same problem comes back eventually, only a little stronger next time.
2. Using hints for effective communication
It’s ironic that for all the talking about how important “communication” is in relationships, many couples are really bad at it. What’s even more interesting, in my experience, is that rather than learning effective communication strategies to get what they want, couples opt for the least effective ones, like hinting.
Look, sometimes, your partner won’t get the message for whatever reason, and that’s fine. But, what isn’t helpful ever, are you dropping hints instead of stating your desires directly. Take responsibility for your wants and needs and state them clearly. That way, you’re much more likely to get your needs met.
3. Threatening the relationship
This is extremely common and also extremely toxic to any relationship. Only the most insecure people would tolerate this tactic for long.
When you threaten the relationship as a way of getting what you want, you destabilize the relationship. It puts the other person on notice that they can’t do anything wrong without the possibility of you leaving them.
Using drama to get your way only increases the intensity and frequency of drama in the overall relationship. You might get your way in the short-term, but there is a huge price to pay later.
4. Tit for tat
You’re familiar with this one. You screwed up by not attending his friend’s wedding function, so he uses that as an excuse to skip out on the dinner with your family. Listen, whenever you’re using past negative events committed by your partner as an excuse to behave poorly yourself, resentment is always the result.
The converse is also true. Keeping track of your own good deeds and refusing to do anything else for your partner until they’ve evened the score doesn’t create an environment that fosters relationship growth, only resentment.
Avoid the use of these common relationship killers.
Understand that your partner is human, and fallible, just like you.
Give your partner some grace, cut them some slack, and take responsibility for yourself and what you bring to the table.